My mother greeted me as she sat for lunch. I spotted something under her plate, but didn't think much of it until it was fully revealed. Tear droplets ran down my cheek and I started sweating profusely and the realization hit her when she knew what happened, but it was too late.

As a child, I possessed a specific phobia of paper towels. Presumably, the concepts of fear and paper towels would never be connected to each other, however, it was a daily occurrence I had to endure. Peers saw my vulnerability and instead of supporting me, they mainly turned into a source of constant ridiculing . I always felt crushed by these harmless objects for 10 painful years.

As I was about to enter high school, I no longer wanted my fear of paper towels to define and dictate my life. Paper towels would be an everyday item used by my peers and I didn’t want to be excluded from activities purely due to my phobia . Similar to overcoming an addiction, the steps had to be small with overcoming my personal fear. At first, my eyes locked onto a paper towel on the kitchen table. As I stared at it, anxiety rose throughout my body and my heart was beating rapidly. I left the kitchen after only just seconds and realized this will be the hardest challenge I have to overcome.  I repeated the exact same process for the next week and the same results occurred. I didn't think I could accomplish this and was starting to give up. I was miserably struggling, but I kept trying my hardest everyday to battle this fear and I finally noticed a change. After almost a month of failure with the paper towels,the repeated exposure led to my anxiety mostly fading away and I wasn't bothered by the sight of these objects. I felt relief as I mainly endured an object that was holding me back for so many years. 

Once I could look at the paper towels without feeling overwhelmed, I decided to take it farther by physically touching it. As a child, I was never remotely close to ever physically interacting with a paper towel so I knew this would be very difficult. My hands were shaking as I took my index finger to graze the top of the paper towel. At the last moment I pulled away, consumed by fear and anxiety. It had to be the same process by repeatedly exposing myself to try touching it. Every time I went, I pulled back at the last second. Weeks of frustration and exhaustion had nothing working and this process was way worse than the last. I wondered if my effort was wasted, but still kept trying as I knew there would be progress. After many weeks of failure and commitment , I grabbed the paper towel and felt the weight coming off my shoulders. I truly felt I beat it.

I learned to push through hard moments by refusing to let these significant setbacks define me. The major obstacle of paper towels made me second guess myself into thinking I will never overcome it, but the commitment to keep going also continued with other activities I did. This could have been fighting for every point in the tennis conference championship so my team can secure a win or forcing a comeback as a basketball coach when all momentum was against us.

Approaching subsequent obstacles hasn't been challenging for me after my interaction with paper towels. That single sheet of paper taught me ways to adapt better and especially to take on a business role, there needs to be lots of patience and leadership to guide specific employees in different fields. Staying disciplined and not giving up during my interaction with paper towels helped me become more resilient in activities that I wouldn't be as strong in.

• You need to give more weight to support this fear. Because the item itself is so benign and trivial, it almost seems comical and makes the struggle really hard to empathize with. Is there some sort of scientific/medical diagnosis for such seemingly irrational and random fears?

• I feel like maybe your best bet is to take a humorous tone - acknowledging the humor in the fact that this harmless, everyday item was so terrifying for you WHILE at the same time using each experience to demonstrate that in spite of how ridiculous it might seem, you were actually demonstrating a lot of discipline and self awareness to achieve personal growth.

• Along those lines, you’ll have to make the opening hook way more catchy - there are a million ways you can do this. Try and come up with a few really entertaining scenarios that will draw a reader in with such an unexpected topic.

• You currently have WAY too much detail, especially in paragraph 2. You’re telling a really long story and describing every detail of the situation vs focusing on key illustrative moments to get to the “so what.” This is not meant to be a novel, you should only pick ~2 important moments to describe, but the focus should always be on why it was so important (less describing what happened).

• Paragraph 3 is much more on the mark in terms of level of writing. Here you’re getting into the “so what” or “why does this matter / what does this demonstrate about you?”

Use this structure to guide your thoughts:

1) Set up the problem: i have this fear of paper towels. How does it affect your life?

• Close friends mocked me

2) You decided you wanted to face this fear head on. Why?

• You’re not a victim; you’re a change maker

• It sounds trivial or silly but overcoming a fear is akin to overcoming an addiction

3) What did you do about it? Baby steps, but really explain WHY each step is so difficult and took a lot of self control

• Step 1 - what you did + how hard it was

• Step 2 - ...

• Step 3 - …

4) What did I learn / how did I grow from doing all these things?

• Stay committed: i do things that i might not want to do but i do it because i have a goal (things might be difficult but setbacks dont define me)

• Discipline  because good things take time

5) How have I applied all those learnings and strengths to other parts of my life since then?

• Tennis

• School

• Business ideas

Main goal is to show the reader your character and your values. What makes you a student they want to have on campus? 

Many kids have fears of spiders or the dark, but mine was different. It came from a small paper towel.

As a child, I was diagnosed with a ‘specific phobia’ of paper towels. Presumably, the concepts of fear and paper towels should never be connected to each other,but it was a daily struggle I only experienced. Peers saw my vulnerability and constantly ridiculed me. I was always seen as the weaker one due to an everyday object so small, but intimidating.

As I was about to enter high school, I knew this fear itself was very odd. I was being dictated by something that couldn't even move and the humiliation of others sparked me to try and overcome this mundane fear. I never wanted to be taken control by my peers ever again simply because of an object used for cleaning spills.

Similar to overcoming an addiction, there had to be baby steps for overcoming my personal fear. To begin, I locked eyes onto a paper towel on the kitchen table. As I stared at it, anxiety rose throughout my body and my heart beat rapidly. I left the kitchen after only a few seconds. I repeated the exact same process for the next week and the same results occurred. I didn't think I could accomplish this and was starting to give up. I was miserably struggling, but kept trying my hardest everyday to battle this fear. Almost after a month of failing, I slowly built up the last of my confidence to stare at this witty object. As I concentrated more on the paper towel, my anxiety was starting to slowly fade away and was less bothered. I felt an urge of relief as I overcame an inanimate cleaning tool, but it was critical to me as it held me back for so many years.

Once I could look at the paper towels without feeling heavily overwhelmed, I decided to take it farther. As a child, I was never remotely close to physically interacting with a paper towel so I knew this would be very difficult. My hands were shaking as I tried to graze the top of the paper towel with my index finger. At the last moment, I pulled away, consumed by fear and anxiety. I had to replicate the same process of repeatedly trying to touch the paper towel. After weeks of frustration and exhaustion, I pulled my hand back every time and this process was way worse than the last. I wasn't even able to touch an object that couldn’t move and wondered if my effort was fully wasted, but was very optimistic and still kept trying. After nearly 2 months of weakness and failure, I forced myself to quickly grab the paper towel and truly felt the weight coming off my shoulders. I realized I was like others, being able to touch paper towels.

As I now see and use paper towels everyday, that fear helped me learn to push through hard moments by refusing to let significant setbacks define me. The commitment to keep going allowed me to beat it. This same mentality continued into other activities I did, from fighting for every point in the Jv tennis conference championship so my team could secure a win to forcing a comeback as a basketball coach when all momentum was against us. Helping kids overcome their problems in tennis or basketball originated from my problems with a paper towel.

Approaching subsequent obstacles helped apply myself to be more disciplined in specific tasks I do. Especially to take on a business role, I'll need to have lots of patience and leadership to guide specific employees and build many network connections in different fields. There will also be lots of failure and repetition in roles I take  What started as a fear was turned into encouragement that applied to other activities I did and it all started from a small white object.

Macro Feedback:  This is much, much improved. For finishing touches, I think you need to really embrace more humor to make the reader laugh yet empathize with you. What do I mean by humor? acknowledge the humor in the fact that this harmless, everyday item was so terrifying for you WHILE at the same time using each experience to demonstrate that in spite of how ridiculous it might seem, you were actually demonstrating a lot of discipline and self awareness to achieve personal growth. Below are some specific notes:

Hook: I think it should be a slightly self-deprecating opening so it allows for a more reflective tone for the rest of the essay….ex. “Most kids feared spiders or the dark.  My greatest enemy?  A sheet of paper towels…” Right now the mom lunch example is not interesting/unique enough.

Origin: Explain just enough about how this fear affected your life and not dramatize it, but to make it emotionally believable, show vulnerability without self-pity, possibly use some humor here that makes you relatable….ex “My classmates discovered my secret and weaponized it — waving paper towels at me during lunch. I laughed it off, but it stung to feel so powerless over something so small and mundane….”

Turning Point: you’ve decided enough is enough…ex “Somewhere between embarrassment and exhaustion, I realized I was tired of running from something that couldn’t even move…”

How I Overcame: show your internal drive towards discipline and persistence to overcome this fear, maybe use one vivid description or example ….ex “The strategy was simple: look, breathe, repeat.  First, I’d just sit near the paper towels….eventually, I was able to reach out, hand shaking, and brush one with my finger fingertip…..It wasn’t courage so much as repetition…”

What it taught you: what did you learn about yourself? Perseverance and resilience…ex “I learned that growth and progress doesn’t always feel heroic, sometimes it’s slow, quiet, private and methodical….”

Connect it back to today / future… maybe you use more of a subtle humor direct call back to the paper towels…ex”Now I can walk down the cleaning aisle at Target without flinching, a small victory, but it is one that reminds me how far small steps can take you.” or maybe the paper towels are a reminder that you can overcome something anytime things get hard and uncomfortable…ex “I still think about paper towels whenever I face something uncomfortable.  It reminds me that fear is a part of life and you eventually just learn to reach for it anyway”

“Throw it away” I yelled at the top of my lungs, standing paralyzed in fear. In front of me was my greatest phobia, a sheet of paper towels.

As a child, I was diagnosed with a ‘specific phobia’ of paper towels. I knew this fear itself was very odd, but it caused a daily struggle for me. Peers saw my vulnerability and instead of supporting me, they constantly ridiculed me. I felt crushed by these harmless 10 ounce rolls for 10 painful years. 

As I was about to enter high school, I no longer wanted my fear of paper towels to define and dictate my life, I was being controlled by something that couldn't even move and that humiliation sparked me to try and overcome this mundane, yet debilitating fear.

Similar to overcoming an addiction, I had to take baby steps to overcome my phobia. I pushed myself to lock eyes with a paper towel sitting on the kitchen table. As I progressively stared at it, anxiety flowed throughout my body and my heart beat rapidly. After only a few seconds, I left the kitchen. I repeated this same process every day for the next week with the same results unfortunately occurring. I was miserably struggling, but still put in the most effort everyday. Almost after a month of failure, I slowly built up the confidence to glue my eyes on this small object. As I concentrated even more on the paper towel, my anxiety started to slowly fade away and I felt the accomplishment of taking on this phobia that had held me back for so long and was starting to be like others.

Now, I really wanted to take this to the final level. I had never been remotely close into physically interacting with a paper towel, so I knew this would be very difficult. My hands shook as I tried grazing the top of the object with my index finger. At the last moment, I pulled away, consumed by anxiety and fear. Many weeks of exhaustion and this process was more punishing as I profusely pulled my hand back every time. I wasn't able to touch an inanimate object and wondered if my effort was truly wasted.But, I still kept going. After nearly 2 months of failure, I took my right hand and forced myself to quickly grab the paper towel and felt the weight finally coming off my shoulders. I truly learned how I can face discomfort through challenging tasks and use it as fuel for other objectives I want to take on. 

As I now interact with paper towels everyday, that fear taught me to push through hard moments and refuse to let setbacks define me. I didn't want something so small to limit my abilities in future scenarios, so I stayed committed and prioritized all the weeks spent in overcoming this debilitating fear. I utilize that same mentality of persistence towards other activities I did, from fighting for every point in the tennis conference championship so my team could secure a win to forcing a comeback as a basketball coach when all momentum was against us. An object that once embarrassed me now helps me connect with others who face similar challenges in hard times. 

Whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I still think about the exact process I had with overcoming my fear of paper towels. As I want to take on a business role in college, I'll have to develop patience and leadership over time to build network connections and work with a variety of people in different fields of business. I know that I will experience a lot of trial and error in roles I take for business, but I've learned that progress comes with repetitive action and commitment towards my future goals. What started with a paper towel helped build my strengths and confidence into all objectives that face challenges.

Growing up in a nontraditional household shattered me. I had no relationship with my father and was fractured by his absence. He periodically barged into my life without warning. Instead of forming any real relationship with me, he vanished just as suddenly as he had appeared and left me confused, empty, and yearning for a sense of ‘normalcy’ with both parents present. Meanwhile, my mother was consumed by the stress of working full time, earning a college degree at night, and raising me on her own. She took her stress out on me: monitoring my every move, inflicting verbal and psychological punishment, and belittling me when I didn't live up to her standards.

In trying to conceal my cracks with subservience and apathy, I suppressed my personal development. I abandoned my values of embracing vulnerability and originality, and instead wore a mask of hollow smiles to hide my insecurities. The more I tried to please, the more I felt I would never be good enough. In the midst of my false persona, my fragmented pieces persistently reminded me of my insignificance. By sophomore year, this facade alongside another unwanted appearance by my father, pulled me into my lowest point – mentally and academically.

It took me months to begin gathering my shattered pieces. The first shard I picked up was thanks to my discovery of digital art. The freedom of being able to express myself without needing to please someone else was enlightening. Having never felt capable of asserting myself, art helped me navigate my feelings. Even then, my fragmented pieces reminded me that despite the pain, I wanted to be a stronger version of myself. I took control of my life by turning my emotions into something I could see and physically manipulate. 

When creating a new canvas, I sketch the base of my fears, colour it in with my frustrations, and add more layers to render my sadness. Over time, I produced a digital museum that displayed the beauty in my hardships. This encouraged me to learn about different art mediums, from painting to pottery, and ultimately kintsugi. I learned that I can rise above to a new, different beauty; I finally understood that despite not being perfect, I was still unique and extraordinary.

I realized I needed to be restored, but it wasn’t about erasing the cracks. It was about repurposing them. I yearned to one day help people avoid the pain I experienced of feeling alone and misunderstood. This began my journey of self improvement. I got a therapist to help me articulate my emotions verbally and build the motivation to change my perspective on my life. This was my turning point where I was able to break the cycle of silencing myself. I started working hard in school: earning a leadership position on the Mock Trial team, taking summer classes and becoming the team captain of the Track and Field team. 

This process of discovering myself and piecing myself back together helped me find my calling in healing. I want to be an art therapist and help people who are unable to do so themselves. Art is more than flashy colors; it allows people to sort through their traumas and articulate complex feelings in ways words cannot. Through creating, people take control of their canvas, choosing artistic expressions that reflect their feelings and realizing that brokenness does not equate to being irreparable. I aspire to be the potter that fortifies shattered individuals as they gather their own pieces and restore themselves to realize their beauty within.